Retail Therapy

When you work in retail you learn several things very quickly. The first is that people are not only rude but crazy. The second is that you work for these rude and crazy people. The third is that you will on multiple occasions find yourself in fits of hysterical laughter at recognizing that the store you work in is actually sucking your soul out. And finally, that everyone should work in retail at least once in their life.

I sped into the parking lot today needing to be at work at 6:00. Technically 6:04 after that you're late. 12 late or tardy punch ins in like a year and you can get fired. I've debated testing this theory but decided I don't need to give my managers another excuse to fire me. So i'm driving rather aggressively to the back of the parking lot. How they expect me to be on time when i have to walk a mile just to get to the doors is beyond me. I successfully navigate the deep trenches and treacherous breaks in the parking lot that may more commonly be called potholes but if youve seen the size of some of these holes a successful navigation is in your best interest. (One time i showed up to work and there was a towtruck actually removing a car from one of these holes  by the time i'd walked my mile into work the car was only halfway removed and yes i'm being completely serious but it may also have been only a nightmare). I throw my car in park and start powerwalking towards the doors. A quick glance at my watch reveals the time of 6:01. Theres a solid chance i'm at work on time today. During the powerwalking session i do a fast headcount of the cars in the parking lot mentally assessing how late we're going to be there.

*this is a disclaimer for all of you that don't know better. we close at 10. but when youre shopping until 959 it means we don't get to leave at 10..maybe not 11 even..it might be til 12..this isnt your teenage bedroom and theres no need to rebel. just clean up after yourselves*

Luckily there arent that many cars. I walk through the doors and am transported into retail land. It deserves its own form of government or at least government experiments. 3 human robots tilt their head smile and say hello to me. In unison.. on command...it is this conformity that does most of the soul sucking. I place my robot face on and monotone hello back. Its going to be another one of those nights i guess.

This is why i need Retail Therapy